Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
blakk frogg has a foolproof plan for a drunken fool!
In honor of the upcoming Fourth of July Holiday, Blakk Frogg would like to offer the following plan of action to anyone unsure as to what they ought to do to celebrate this great American holiday:
1. Invite a few friends over for cocktails and tell everyone to bring an American Flag. It is, after all, a theme party, damn it.
2. Make certain to select a nice patriotic American beer such as.... Bud Light.... and have plenty of it on-hand for all your thirsty, truly American friends.
3. Engage in serious drinking games and participate in hardcore drunken flag waving until one overzealous party attendee strips naked and passes out.
4. Set up a perimeter of tiki tiki torches around the inebriated person so that no one disturbs their alcohol induced slumber.
5. Use sand to spell out vulgarities on their chest and allow sunlight to 'inscribe' your words of wisdom via sunburn.
6. Surround drunken, naked, sleeping, patriotic friend with empty Bud Light cans and cover their genitals with an appropriately sized piece of watermelon. Use only watermelon, though, because no fruit makes a decent American Citizen think of Summer more than watermelon.
6. Since it's Fourth of July and you don't want your friends to think they brought theri little flags for nothing, place them in plain view around the drunkard.
7. Take photograph and distribute worldwide via MySpace.
How Can You Become an Illegal Immigrant?
(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)
The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the US for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Now some of you will get mad at Blakk Frogg for posting this anti-illegal-immigrant bulletin, but he does not care. The letter made him laugh and he felt like sharing it with others, like himself, who pay too many damn taxes each year and don't feel as though they get their money's worth.
Ah, yes..... the joys of living life as a Working Middle Class Poor Person.
How Can You Help Fight Terrorism?
As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked; he must commit suicide if he does....
So next Saturday at 3 PM, Eastern Standard Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims, and to demonstrate they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife, and to show support for all American women.
Also, since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side will show further proof of your anti-Muslim terrorist sentiment.
The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless America.
It is your patriotic duty to pass this on.
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Wanna' Support Da' Frogg's Drinking Habit?
If you like this or any of his other sites, have a heart and send him a few pennies if you can. Why? Because the more beer money he has, the more web work he'll do!
Blakk Frogg has no shame in asking for handouts. Spare change, hundred dollar bills, whatever. It all spends the same to him during Happy Hour, bitches! C'ya!
- blakk frogg
- thanks for reading Volume 88 -