Check out the cool gear
at the Blakk Frogg Store
Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
Blakk Frogg advances his sarcasm by digging deep in his beer-soaked brain for cool ideas so that you can tell the world to put a cock in it!
blakk frogg is sarcastic for life
Blakk Frogg heard you scream, "tie me up tight & wear me out" before you had to pick your speed 'cuz you were ready to screw a texas tart at the end of a cheap date... Hopefully ya' did-r-good!
Check out the cool gear
at the Blakk Frogg Store
Froggiest shirt in town?
Stop the madness! All them other frogs can't hold a candle to the raw power of the original Frogg Gear.
How did they fall in love?
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything had been SO incredible!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replied... You just happened to catch my eye."
- wretched joke came from email
Women's prescriptionss?
Don't go blaming me for this list, ladies. I received it in an email and placed it here for your amusement. Enjoy the list and please let Blakk Frogg live! Here goes...
Thank the medical community for these recent breakthroughs in prescription drugs, specially tailored just for women:
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers/teenagers unconscious for up to two days.
EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
PEPTO BIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
DUMBEROL
When taken with Pepto Bimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?"
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMET
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
- from email. blame them!
Did Blakk Frogg get a new car yet?
For years Blakk Frogg dreamed of the day he would roll down the street in his car while all the girlie Froggs turned their heads screaming, "Holy fucking shit! That's the dopest, most pimped out fucking super hot car in the world!"
That day has finally arrived. Behold! Blakk Frogg's fresh new ride! (not really.)
sad part is this 'natural wood finish' trim might be street legal
What happened to Blakk Frogg's shiny red bike?
A little over a year and a half ago some dipshit spoiled brat rich kids from a neighboring development ran through our apartment complex popping car tires and generally fucking up people's vehicles. In total they slashed between 25 to 35 car tires during their adolescent rampage... and popped one 1999 BMW F650 motorcycle tire which belonged to Blakk Frogg. They also stabbed the front fender with a pocket knife and ripped off the windshield. They did other damage as well, but at this point, who's counting anymore?
To the dickheads living behind Foxwoods Apartment complex in Clifton Park, New York who thought it would be fun to ruin a lot of people's mornings...
"Eat shit and die you worthless a$$holes. Your fathers should have pulled out early and spewed you all over the backseat instead of knocking up your mothers!"
Blakk Frogg hates to say things like that about people he does not know, but if their actions on that night reflect even slightly upon the nature of their personalities and moral fiber, he has no reason or desire to EVER know them.
What happened to Blakk Frogg's shiny red bike (part 2)?
Recent events in Blakk Frogg's life created a slight surplus in cash which allowed him to drop his bike off at BMW Motorcycles of Charlotte for all the necessary bodywork and some much needed mechanical work a few weeks back.
Blakk Frogg got his shiny red BMW F650 out of the shop on the afternoon of Saturday, September 17th, 2005. Talk about a shit-eating grin on his face. The feeling of twisting the throttle and heading down the road made him feel like a tadpole all over again.
|
Not as impressive from the front as many other BMW motorcycles, but definitely sharp enough to catch the eye. |
Looking a lot sharper from the side, right? The "F650 Funduro", as some call it, has a tall profile and for a tall guy like me, that sort of thing matters a lot. I just would NOT look right on a tiny bike. No, sir, I would not. I may love this bike and plan to keep it forever, but I do have a rather large crush on the hot new 2005 BMW K1200S. |
|
It pleases Blakk Frogg tremendously to see no cracks in the fairing and all the screws in the right place. |
Humiliate your roommate by posting photos like this online! |
Some things ought to remain unsaid? And forgotten?
Yeah, so once agin the rule of "If I had to read this mess, so do you!" applies and I shall enforce that rule now. Most of the puns listed below made me wanna' die soooo bad that it took three orderlies to take the razor away from my wrist. So enjoy!
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar - one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" he doctor replies, "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'"
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!".
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why,"they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she! tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
So by now most of you want to kill me for poisoning your minds with that list of puns 99% of the world wishes would disappear. Good. That means you suffered as much as I did while reading the list.
So glad I could help. Have a nice day.