Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
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Blakk Frogg works hard to make certain you never go without useless crap on the Internet. No day passes where he does not toil at the computer, suffering for your pleasure.
Want a good lawyer joke?
A guy in a bar stood up and shouted, "Lawyers are a$$holes!"
- from email, yo!
Virtual adultery anyone?
"Until recently, adultery has been a sin of the flesh. Temptation arrives, chemistry sizzles and before long the unfaithful spouse is spending stolen nights in cheap hotels. Now there is a new threat: the virtual affair. While some argue online affairs aren't real, research shows some spouses take them as seriously as the offline variety - and they're becoming a gateway to divorce." -- full story here
from: News Article posted Monday, August 22nd 2005, 10:50am EST by the fine folks at All Of 'Em.
Fart football in bed?
A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the pillows when the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."
His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"
The old man replied, "It's fart football."
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."
Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."
Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beat by a woman, so he strains real hard, but to no avail.
Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally, he shits in the bed.
The wife says, "What the hell was that?"
The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."
- from email, you smelly pig!
blakk frogg can cook a thing or two... maybe even three!
Master of the kitchen and trying out for Iron Chef or some other cooking show? Not likely or even a remote possibility, come to think of it. Blakk Frogg will not, however, starve. He has not fallen victim to the belief that men keep dirty kitchens and cannot cook. Not all men live off of fast food and Ramen Noodles (which do kick ass by the way) in the absence of a woman to cook for them. Blakk Frogg offers this as proof:
How about a story about King Arthur? And a witch?
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
The moral is: If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly.
- from email, and be nice to slugs!
- thanks for reading Volume 30 -