Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
This is the worst case of blasphemy I've ever seen!
I have a few things to say BEFORE I let you read the following email:
Begin the email!
Why Somebody Thinks Santa is Gay
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myths, but I believe Santa is gay. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a straight man could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, think about the planning that goes into an event like Christmas. Even Martha Stewart is envious. Straight men have day jobs, so they wouldn't have time to stand at the local shopping malls and ring a bell all day. But if you're a gay, out-of-work Actor/Dancer/Waiter, it's the perfect gig until you get your big break.
Also, if he were straight he would have picked a more masculine animal than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the reindeer just happens to appeal to Santa's inherent sense of grace and beauty. And those names: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen? Fill in the blanks.
Mrs. Clause has been married to him for eons and he's never fathered a child with her, she's over-weight and still content. Can you say "Fag-hag"?
Ever thought about the Rudolph story? He's gay too! "All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games." As if he wanted to. Isn't Rudolph really a metaphor for the gay child in a straight society anyway?
Ever ask yourself why fruitcake is the traditional dessert at Christmas time? Well, now you know. And stop pretending you don't like it. Deep down inside, you've always liked fruitcake.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a straight man:
Look at the size of the bag he packs for a one night trip!
Red velvet, fur collar, black engineer boots. Think people!!!
Physically he's a wet dream for the Girth and Mirth club and the perfect poster model for Bear Poster Child!
Gay men have long been using stockings to hide their candy.
Toys, toys, toys.
HoHo / Homo. A little too similar if you ask me.
That long over-night flight around the world taps into the flight attendant gene.
And one more thing, did you ever know a straight man named Nicholas? Oh, straight society has tried to butch up his image by calling him St. Nick, but we know better. It's Nicholas, damn it! . . . or Ms. Claus if you're nasty.
Blakk Frogg needs your support?
Now don't go spending those nothings all in one place, now, you hear me? Set up a bank account so you can save up all your little nothings and then go shopping later in life with a boatload of nothings. Think of all the great stuff you won't be able to buy with all those nothings in your pocket!
Frogg's week in review?
My dayjob makes me do all sorts of useless things for a web clients who have no idea about what makes a site good and what makes a site great. They think meta-tags and pretty pictures will propel their site to the top of Google's results pages.
- thanks for reading Volume Fifteen -