Check out the cool gear
at the Blakk Frogg Store
Americas Best What?
Use these links to access all the jokes, pics, sarcasm and, um, other useless crap Blakk Frogg has posted on this site over the years.... ENJOY!
Use these links to access (much) older pages from this site... if you're some kinda' retarded archeologist. Loser. ;)
Blakk Frogg Wear?
Blakk Frogg advances his sarcasm by digging deep in his beer-soaked brain for cool ideas so that you can tell the world to put a cock in it!
blakk frogg is sarcastic for life
Blakk Frogg heard you scream, "tie me up tight & wear me out" before you had to pick your speed 'cuz you were ready to screw a texas tart at the end of a cheap date... Hopefully ya' did-r-good!
Check out the cool gear
at the Blakk Frogg Store
Whoa! What was that?
Those of you who ride motorcycles will understand this column and the rest of you need to read and memorize it.
I just recently got my motorcycle back on the road and already I've got some more great near-collision experiences to haunt my dreams.
With the wind in my face and an impatient minivan driver up my ass, I'm on my way to work.
Stopped at a redlight, a lit cigarette butt lands by my feet. Obviously it's owner no longer wanted it and felt I ought to have it. Too bad I don't smoke, right?
From that same light I pull off from the line at a normal pace and the car in the opposing lane darts forward and begins to turn left -- a path which would take the vehicle directly through me and my lovely motorcycle. They stop and wave me on as if doing me a favor.
I'd like to thank the gentleman with VT plates for a real thrill this morning. The excitement of owning a motorcycle is definitely heightened by the rush one gets when the vehicle in front of them slams on its brakes to make an emergency turn.
Having survived all those things on today's peaceful ride to work, here's the one that put the feather my cap:
A sales droid yapping away on the phone as she careens through the parking lot looking for a parking spot... or to run me over. Whichever comes first.
Have a nice day, everyone... and if you're looking for me, I'm the guy on the red & black motorcycle looking to get out of your way.
Trivia isn't always trivial?
- from email
I miss you. What re you wearing? A/S/L?!? Please come back to me. I cannot live without... huh? oops. Wrong window.
I'm now up to 10 editions of this damn publication and no one has threatened to kill me if I write another one. This is lame. What ever happened to the stifling of free speech and all that good stuff?
Hmmm.... Maybe this is another one of those Blakk things. Perhaps we ought to get some desperate loser without a thesis in grad school to study this phenomenon and publish his/her results. That way Blakk Frogg can become famous without having to do a damn thing.
Are you willing to lend a hand during their time of need?
Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporatescandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.
Hundreds of Major League Baseball players in our very own nation are
living at, just below, or in most cases far above the seven-figure salary
level. And as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their
life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the
upcoming strike situation. But you can help!
For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help a MLB player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and every little bit will help!
Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a baseball
player it could mean the difference between spending the strike golfing in
Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is
nothing more than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, two unemployment
checks, or a month of medical insurance with COBRA, but to a baseball
player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary.
Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that
home entertainment center, trade in the year old Lexus for a new Ferrari,
or enjoy a weekend in Rio.
HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you
sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real
estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus,
upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the
player lounging during the strike on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean
(for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on
your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.
HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?
Your MLB player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants
to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will
be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case
additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.
YES, I WANT TO HELP!
I would like to sponsor a striking MLB player. My preference is checked
below:
[ ] Infielder
[ ] Outfielder
[ ] Starting Pitcher
[ ] Ace Pitcher [ ]
[ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team - $10 per minute)
[ ] Alex Rodriguez (Higher cost: $60,000 per day)
Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the player for
the duration of the strike. Please send me a picture of the player I have
sponsored, along with an Alex Rodriguez 2001 Income Statement and my very
own Donald Fehr MLB Players Union pin to wear proudly on my hat (include
$80 for hat).
Your Name: _______________________
Telephone Number: ____________________
Account Number: _____________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Discover
Signature: _______________________
Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number: _____________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Discover
Signature: _______________________
Mail completed form to MLB Players Union or call 1-900-SCREW-THE-FANS now
to enroll by phone ($10 per minute).
Disclaimer: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they have
sponsored, either in person or by other means including, but not limited
to, telephone calls, letters, e-mail, or third parties. Contributions are
not tax-deductible.
- from email
Crime has a new enemy to watch out for?
I've seen a lot of these pictures in recent years and typically just ignore them but this one really got to me. For years to come this poor boy is going to be called shithead -- and for very good reason, too.
What makes Blakk Frogg the Frogg he is today?
Time waits for no Frogg and neither does the bus. Therefore, as a child, I sometimes wound up walking to school. It was either that or go back home and get my ass kicked for missing the bus. No thanks. I'll walk.
On those walks I had time to reflect on all the things that I had done wrong recently. More or less I tallied up the misdeeds and wondered if I'd hit the infamous "you're in trouble now, mister" level. Everyone knows that level. It's the one right before the "my ass is sore and the spanking's not over yet" stage.
Invariably I concluded that the current missing of the bus put me over the top so I then set about conjuring up some sort of reason explaining WHY I missed the bus. I never did come up with a good reason. My parents were going to tell me I spent too much time goofing off no matter what so I accepted that fact and kept walking.
The route I took was, in my opinion, the wisest one and the most direct. A straight line from point A, the bus stop of missed opportunity, to point B, the school I'd normally be sitting in if I hadn't missed the bus.
Logical, right? Take the path that will take the shortest amount of time. Naturally. And for thinking of this path I was always proud of myself... until one day when the path I chose corresponded with the path my mother chose on her way back from the store.
Yep. You guessed it. I got to the "my ass is sore and the spanking's not over yet" stage in a hurry.
The real reason why Montezuma's Revenge happens?
Adult industry ruined my life?
Some people say the adult industry breaks up relationships and causes people to do things like cheat on their signifigant other and/or get divorces. I say that's a big steaming pile of horse shit.
Ther adult industry does NOT cause those things to happen. Instead, I believe the adult industry temporarily prevents those things from happening and that infidelity and divorce occur as a result of a lack of adult activity between the parties in relationships.
If people would drop all the false pretenses and nonsense they toss around they'd get laid a little more often. If that happened, the adult industry would suffer, the divorce rate would drop and so would the number of adulterous encounters.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so and here's why: When was the last time you heard of a sexually satisfied couple breaking up? Two exhausted, sweaty, post-orgasm people lying in bed seldom have much to argue about. ;)
Why was volume ten was released in record time?
It's been a long time since I rubbed anyone out with a can of bug spray... Oh, such happy memories. Toxic mist clogging their lungs as faint images of black flags form in their eyes. Makes me wanna' cry almost.
Enough of that. I published a new edition because I didn't feel like working on the stuff I get paid to work on. It's Monday. I never feel like working on that stupid shit on Monday.
So, in closing, watch out for me or I'll take you out with a can of bug spray.
Where was I last night?
My lovely girlfriend of more than three years sent me this text the other morning and asked me where I'd been the night before...
"Cohoes police are searching for a robber armed with a beer bottle. Police
say a man used it Monday to threaten a clerk at the US Food Mart on Garner
St. Police say he confronted the female clerk, slammed her face into the
counter and grabbed $200 before driving off in a dark green Chrysler. If
you have any information, please call the police."
I responded by telling her that I was busy making love to my other girlfriend at the time so it couldn't have been me.
Consequently, she slapped thetaste out of my mouth when I got home later that evening. I'm so confused.